TW: MTP, pregnancy loss
When I was doing my post graduation, I used to spend more time in Parul’s room than my own. Many happy and comfortable hundreds of hours I have spent in her room. We were practically not even the same generation. When she came to join our department, I was already a mother and she wasn’t even married. And there were many other women in the department who I had not been able to connect with.
When my son was nine months old, I accidentally conceived again. Family on both sides refused to help me, though they actively advised against continuing with the pregnancy. I decided to undergo a medical termination. No one even accompanied me when I consulted the gynaecologist. My parents thought it was the in-laws responsibility and in-laws thought it was parents job.
Spouse was studying in a different city. He said I could decide whichever way I wanted it and he would support. I brought home the drugs that were to terminate the pregnancy. I was torn apart by guilt and shame and extreme fear. I had just held a newborn nine months ago and I had welcomed him with all my heart. I wanted to continue with this one too, thinking it was God’s will. But everyone just left me standing alone with a nine month old in my arms and a MD degree to be completed in that very year.
I crumbled against these odds and took the MTP drugs in Parul’s room. She told me that if I bled to death, at least someone would know. She kept me plied with tea while I bled a few bucketful of impurity.
I survived, as you all know, with a lot of bitterness in my heart against the hypocrisy of religion, family and society. Some good people might have said God sent Parul. But I tend to believe, Parul sent herself, made herself available, and I am indebted to her, not to a make believe entity that was supposed to look out for the unborn as well as for myself.
So here’s to my present life, unchained, unburdened with religion. I place my faith in humanity, my own and that of my friends.